Tuesday, August 26, 2008

The Happiest Place on Earth

Disney World... the happiest place on earth.

At least that's what they say on the commercials! Over the past weekend I visited the mouse and his friends and I can tell you that it is far from a happy experience.

You pack yourself into this "kingdom" along with millions of other people. The Florida sun beats down on the visitors causing them to sweat and create this united global stench. There are half naked children running around on leashes attached to their wrists screaming at the top of their lungs. Now the low percent of people on this earth who are bubbly and excited 24 hours a day all happen to work as "cast members" for Disney. So after you have been in the park for 6 hours dealing with all of the perks listed above and you're walking towards the exit... you might happen to run into a large, polyester character who wants to give you a hug or an over-enthusiastic photographer who wants your not-so-happy family to squeeze together for a picture. Lucky you. Right after you clench your jaw in a smile for this captured moment in time... the parade begins! So you now are stuck walking strictly on the sidewalks with all the other "happy" families that are just trying to escape. After dragging your screaming children past all of the candy and merchandise shops... you can see the pearly gates at a distance. Before you know it... you're in a power walk/jog while dragging your short-legged kids behind you. You make it to the gates and from there the buses back to the hotel are only a hop, skip, and jump away. When you get in your room you collapse onto the bed from exhaustion... at that point you are the happiest you have been all day.

***So while I really did visit Disney World this past weekend... this is not my version of a day at the park. The above story is what I read from the faces of many different cultures as I people watched. People watching is an interesting habit. You see people in their most basic, genuine form. During this day of people watching that form was multiplied by 10. Thanks, Disney, for a most enjoyable day in so many ways.***

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Bug Phobia!

I know that (most) bugs are harmless. They are tiny creatures that live in the folds of the grass or in a hole in the ground. And humans are beyond giants to them. We take their lives everyday without realizing it just by taking a step. This being said... I should have no problem being n
ear them. But this is not the case.

As a side job I work at a popular coffee house that will be left unnamed. This coffee house makes frappuccinos and smoothies. Naturally, the sticky sugar invites the local fly colony to hang out there. This is disgusting. I would never be a customer of a place that had so many flies that when you moved your arm to reach for something you knocked them out of their flight path.

On this particular night I was very happy to be at the end of my shift and heading to my car. I got ten feet away from it and there were tons of little, baby grasshoppers flying up into the air and back down to the ground. My first thought was "disgusting..." I thought- unlock the door and get in quickly so they don't hitch a ride. I managed to do this and was on my way.

Since gas prices were on the rise, I stopped to fill up. I got out my credit card and popped open my gas tank. I was about to open my door- when there it was.... the mother grasshopper was perched upon my driver's side mirror! I told myself that there was no reason I should not get out and get gas... after all, it was only a grasshopper. I was about to get out of the car when all of a sudden something black and tiny flung itself at that same side mirror... it appeared to be one of the escaped parking lot, baby grasshoppers. It was a sign! I turned my car back on and headed home.

I was speeding the whole way there... watching the sly, master grasshopper on my mirror holding on with one leg for dear life. She had successfully made it to my home. I turned the car off and proceeded to climb over the gears to the passenger seat. I got out of the car quickly, checked for grasshoppers, closed my (still) open gas tank, and escaped the "dangerous" situation.

I went upstairs and told my significant other this story... but at that point I felt guilty for stealing the mama grasshopper. Now all the babies will be alone. I considered driving back to the coffee house to drop her off... but then I realized I would have to maneuver myself back into the drivers seat. And what would happen if I got there and she wouldn't get off? I sit there all night until she wants to take a walk? No, she probably wanted to escape. One hundred babies would drive any mother crazy. She took the high road... leave them with their father.

Sunday, August 3, 2008

Girl meets Boy

Once upon a time there was a girl who met a boy. The girl worked. The boy worked harder. Soon after they met, the girl fell in love. The boy was exhausted from working. After a while it was obvious that there was going to be little time to talk; the girl was sad.

Moral of the story: Work sucks.

We shouldn't have to plan our days down to the minute. Packing in anything and everything that can fit. Wake-up, shower, eat breakfast, work, eat lunch, work some more, work-out, eat dinner, work some more, and maybe talk to your significant other five minutes before you both fall asleep. Out of those ten things listed as a daily routine, more than half involve a "work" of sorts. Life is work... I get that. But you think the ultimate higher being would have given us a little more play time. My life is definitely ready for a little vacation. Maybe it will take away this bitterness.

....But in the meantime... I think I'm going to go work.